How To Make Her Want To Cuddle More Often

For most people, the greatest aspect of being in a relationship is the romantic part of it all.

It can be strenuous in a relationship when one partner has a fear of touch. Whenever it is a moment for intimacy that partner cringes and switches off.

The random make out sessions, the hand holding, the cuddling on the couch with a blanket watching your favourite shows.

But what happens when you have a partner who is as cold as ice, where kisses and thoughtful gestures are rare, and cuddling is almost unheard of?

After a lovemaking session, they also switch off when all you need is a snuggle.

What happens if you are in a relationship with a partner who does not like intimacy?

Psychologist Mampho Mofokeng says this phenomena is actually more common than most people think.

"Many people tend to jump to the immediate conclusion that something is amiss if their partner is not a big fan of intimacy. They suspect they may be cheating or have simply lost interest but lack the guts to tell them.

"This is not always the case.

"There are some people who, either have a genuine fear of being physically touched, or have issues with intimacy. The only downside is that they may not be able to articulate this in their relationships, or they don't know what is wrong with them."

The good news, Mofokeng says, is that with therapy these conditions can be managed, even though it's a process, knowing exactly what you are dealing with makes it easier to handle.

WHEN YOUR PARTNER HAS A FEAR OF TOUCH

It is no doubt that there are many phobias out there, but, according to Mofokeng, one of them involves the genuine fear of being physically touched.

"This is a rare phobia, but it exists nevertheless, and it is called hephaphobia.

"Some people develop hephaphobia after a traumatic experience, such as a violent rape, while some are naturally hephaphobic, which some scientists believe it's hereditary.

"The premise of this phobia is simple, and that is, people who suffer from it see being physically touched or embraced as a form of invasion of their personal space and privacy, and may associate someone trying to touch them as trying to harm them," she said.

"What is upsetting about this phobia is that people often find the notion of an adult afraid of physical touch as being ridiculous, making it one of the most misunderstood phobias out there."

Mofokeng says often in relationships, people with hephaphobia do try to accommodate their partners' need for intimacy, although it may be literally painful to them.

"Hephaphobia sufferers can experience physical symptoms from forced physical touch, such as nausea, trembling or even a full-on anxiety attack.

"But in relationships, they can often try to mask it for the sake of their partners. It can be quite a debilitating condition, and requires understanding and support," she says.

TREATMENT

Mofokeng says sufferers of hephaphobia require intense therapy to deal with the condition.

"It is not something that can be overcome on your own.

"The sufferer would need to firstly receive intensive trauma counselling in the case where abuse or sexual assault was involved in their past.

"If the phobia is affecting your relationship, my recommendation would be to go for couple's counselling, mainly because the partner with the phobia needs to learn the tools to trust their partner, and to learn to let love into their personal space without the fear of being harmed or hurt.

"The other partner needs to learn to be understanding and supportive, and realise that this is something that is out of their partner's control," she said.

WHEN YOUR PARTNER HAS A FEAR OF INTIMACY

Mofokeng says the fear of intimacy is also closely related to the fear of touch, and it can often be a result of rape or sexual abuse.

"But the fear of intimacy has more to do with a shattered sense of self-worthy and self-esteem. People with a fear of intimacy have a general belief that they do not deserve love, or are not worthy of it, and see intimacy as some form of manipulation.

"Generally they will disregard their partner's affection, because on some level, they do not believe that it comes from a genuine place," Mofokeng elaborated.

"These people have a dismissive attitude about affection and intimacy, but inwardly crave it.

"They may try to block themselves off, but the truth is they long to love and be loved, and really wish to express affection to their loved ones, but cannot. It can be very frustrating for them."

As with hephaphobia, Mofokeng says she recommends intense individual and couple's counselling to overcome this, as it can ruin good relationships.