Although no one would actually come out and admit to it, the truth is that some people go out of their way, either consciously or not, to have less than aesthetically appealing people in their social circle.
The reason? It's simple. To be the centre of attention. The most attractive person in the group of friends.
While it may sound twisted, the reality is that we have seen a fair share of the ugly friend syndrome more often than we think.
It's a well-known fact that brides have for centuries put their bridesmaids in ugly, unflattering dresses, just so they could be the most attractive person in the room on their wedding day.
But how can we define the ugly friend syndrome?
These would be the tell-tale signs:
1. Do you like to be the only person who gets the attention from the opposite sex when going out with your friends?
2. Do you go out of your way to give them bad advice about their fashion choices or not rectify their fashion faux paux, and choose instead to giggle delightfully on the inside?
3. Do you find yourself questioning how your friend got such an attractive partner, when you are the better looking choice?
4. Do you find yourself putting your friend down about their weight, clothes, general appearance and choices?
5. Do you enjoy the sense of power it gives you to invite your unemployed friend out with you so you can pick up the bill, but not before some snide remark in front of everyone?
6. Do you love rubbing it in your friend's faces about your latest fashion find, your car, your house and so on?
If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you may very well have the ugly friend syndrome.
But what exactly causes this spitefulness? Is there a much deeper reason than just being a mean person?
Clinical psychologists say so, and explains why.
"There is no psychological term for the ugly friend syndrome.
"However, what could come close to it would be narcissistic personality features.
"This could be best explained as a grandiose sense of self-importance, need for admiration and empathy deficit.
"This friend could even befriend less advantaged individuals in an attempt to manipulate them in order to indulge the self.
"They are very exploitative and disdainful in their effort to hide their emotional deprivation. They idealise and devalue their friends as it suits them.
"You could be their best friend if you are able to be their puppet, and they will devalue all previous friends, until you challenge them."
Experts say a classic symptom of someone with the ugly friend syndrome would be one who wants everything to be about them.
"Someone who harbours narcissistic features would only talk about his or her issues because they are more important than another person's issues.
"All his friends would have to listen to his exaggerated abilities because he is more special than everyone else.
"Their sense of self-importance causes problems for the relationship because whoever challenges this is met with rage.
"This is the kind of friend who would keep you as long as you are able to soothe his fragile ego. Even if you are equal in all ways to them, they would still view you as inferior, because their distorted cognitions are that they are better and special, and demand to be treated as such."
They explain that despite appearances, people with the ugly friend syndrome may actually be harbouring feelings of not feeling good enough, and use other people as a crutch as a result.
"Narcissistic traits in an individual are caused by a fragile self-esteem and emotional deprivation, and as a result they create a fantasy of the self.
"Any criticism or possibility of failure causes huge humiliation and harm to the ego. This is called narcissistic injury. Narcissistic injury causes these individuals enormous pain and at times they view others as envious of them, which in most instances is the opposite.
"The fragile self-esteem and emotional deprivation could be as a result of a variety of emotionally traumatic experiences an individual has been through. If these features are pervasive and maladaptive over a long time, psychotherapy becomes necessary."
Tips for the victim of someone with a narcissistic friend
The trick to handling someone with the ugly friend syndrome is firstly seeing through their game, and calling them out on it.
"Friendship should be in relationships where you equally share your joys or pains. If you become treated as if you are worthless and are undervalued while your friend is all important, then you need to decide on whether you are worth that kind of treatment or not.
"The important thing in any relationship is to help one to mature, prosper and self-actualise, and that would be difficult to achieve with the ugly friend syndrome person.
"As a victim, you need to take responsibility for your relationships. Do not allow your friend to treat you as worthless because you are valuable. A true friend should never treat you that way.
"Although this type of person will make you feel guilty for your decision to leave the relationship, it is far better for you to leave than to stay, as there is a poor prognosis for these individuals unless they seek professional help."
